Ethan is doing well and still giving smiles in between withdrawl episodes. Every time he grins I just want to pick him up and go about normal life like nothing is wrong with him. Then I realize I am on a hospital floor entitled the Pediatric Cardiothoracic Intensive Care Unit. So as quickly as the smiles can come, they can disappear. And suddenly he is shaking, crying, tachycardic (really high heart rate), and inconsolable. Love narcotic withdrawls (not). Not to mention his fever was hanging between 102-103 most of the day which only makes him MORE uncomfortable!
My mom came down this afternoon so I could go to church with Greg. I was saying goodbye to my little man when he smiled and turned his head away like "mom, don't look at me like that". Totally cute moment, except. . . that is when I noticed a blue bulge on his neck in between some skin rolls. So after running tests no one will answer my worries of is it a blood clot or not. They seem to be avoiding me and hoping I will not beg for an answer til tomorrow. That means they want the VIP radiologist to read the scan! Which in turn makes me more worried!
I would think with Ethan's progress this past week that I could finally let down my guard and enjoy him, but I can't. It almost gets harder. With every smile I get more attached and that much more sick when "issues" or "unknowns" arise. I really need to get my emotions in check. We have definitely seen him through a rough period of his life. Getting through these two surgeries is HUGE. But it is apparent Ethan is not in this mortality for a boring and predictable experience!!! He plans on keeping things action packed it seems. Guess I should welcome the grey hairs that are coming with open arms! It is better than what Ethan is doing to Greg. . . balding and grey hairs :)
Thanks for reading my rant-
Heidi
4 comments:
Oh my gosh, I'm 31 and I can't believe how many grey hairs I've had to pull out since I've had Jax. It is so crazy.
Heidi- apart from any surgeries- watching Braden go through narco withdrawals was THE single hardest thing. When even your touch can't comfort them... Thinking of you and hoping for more smiles to come!
hi my name is aprilee and you don't know me. although I wished i knew you. I am a friend of daxton cooks and i started following owens blog which lead me to your cute little guy. i just wanted you to know how strong and amazing i think your family are and i continue to pray that Ethan and your family will continue to have stregth and he can continue to get better. You have an amazing family and are a great example to my family with your strength and faith. i will continue to pray for your family and hope that today and the future brings more better days for ethan and you family. luv pena family
God bless those little smiles. You deserve everyone. I am anxiously awaiting the radiologist report. Praying and hoping for good news.
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