Wednesday, January 27, 2010

15 Grandkids Nine & Under

What could be more fun than seeing 15 grandkids running and screaming together at Grandma's house? Maybe just Grandma and Grandpa's faces! We are lucky enough to have lots of fun cousins to play with. These are the pics we took at New Years. Thanks Sara. . . they are so fun. However, could you please photoshop the bags on my eyes? They are still terrible. I think Ethan pushed them to the point of NO RETURN! All the sleepless nights and tears were worth it(like they're over). Just wish grandkid number 16 was running around with the others. . .

Monday, January 25, 2010

Cannon is my angel on Earth!

Yes, I used Cannon and angel in the same sentence. He has been more joy than mischief lately. And even though Ethan has been gone over 5 months. . . Cannon continues to be his biggest fan.
My sister-in-law asked me if I was writing down the sweet things Cannon has been saying. And I am guilty. I have not. So here are just a few glimpses.
Cannon ALWAYS blesses Ethan when it is his turn to pray. Sometimes he adds "bless Ethan to be resurrected". I without a doubt know I will see Ethan again on the other side. I also know one day he (we all) will be resurrected and his physical state will be made perfect. My older kids grasp that the timing of the second coming of Christ and resurrection is unknown (and far off). Cannon doesn't get it, although I have explained it to him 3-4 times a week since Ethan's passing. Tonight during prayers Cannon prayed: "Bless Ethan to come back alive fast. . .it is taking too long."

A few weeks ago my friend returned a cradle I had lended her. We used it for the first week or so Ethan was home. Even though he was a little baby, it wasn't working out, because he was a little baby with way too many tubes and wires attached to him and I just had no room to "work" when I was taking care of him and giving meds, feeds, suctioning, diapers, dressing changes, etc...). So we put up the crib and eventually lent the cradle out. Cannon and I walked into the garage after she returned it and there it was. . . Cannon gasped with excitement, put his hands on his cheeks and shouted (with the biggest grin ever) "Is that for Ethan? Is he coming back ALIVE? Can we put it in my room? I will take good care of him and help him when he wakes up at night!"

And as you can imagine he was quite disappointed when I told him the situation. But none the less he went on to talk about Ethan for the next 2 days straight. . . Including: "Mom, you need to have another baby boy so when Ethan comes alive he will have a buddy to play with like I have Gage."

And on the note of Gage. . . I heard Gage saying he was scared after we tucked them in tonight. Cannon and Gage share a room w/ two twin beds. A few minutes later I heard Cannon tell Gage he could come sleep with him. I thought it was sweet, but didn't think much more of the comment. This is how I found them when I went to check on them an hour later.

As I have pondered Cannon's change in demeanor, I can't help but wonder if he has changed, or have I just changed the way I view and love him. I must thank Ethan for those lessons. Learned the hard way, but none the less, learned (and hopefully never to forget).


Monday, January 18, 2010

Neighbors & Good Times

So this post is a little late. I have been wanting to put up my Christmas card because I ran out this year. I thought I ordered plenty. . . but it turns out this year not only brought us our Ethan, but it also brought us a whole lot of new friends and loved ones. I wish I could tell you all the special thoughts and feelings I have for ALL of our old and new friends. I would like to say I could go on praising them for hours, but the truth is that my feelings are so tender and so full of gratitude for all of them that I still just break down in tears everytime I think about it. The feelings are too overwhelming to describe (it might also be difficult to express because English/writing was not my best subject)!

Today I had a chance to catch up with Melodie (Scarlett's mom). She is Super Heart Mom! Scarlett was Ethan's first neighbor in the PCTICU. She was born one day before him with Tetralogy of Fallot. She is now almost a year old, starting to walk, and has the most beautiful eyes and smile. Melodie has become dedicated to the cause. She connects more heart moms than anyone I know. She continues to support CHD families whether their child is alive, or has earned its angel wings. And she is a busy full time working mom with lots of other stuff to worry about too, but she still cares about us! We had so many good "neighbors" on the unit. I love them all. And they are part of why I want to put on Ethan's Run. To continue to support the cause.

Ethan is 11 months old today, and 5 months gone. . .

On a lighter note, Greg planned a fun trip for us this past week. Realizing the toll this last year had taken on us (notice my card... still looks like I haven't slept in a year). . . he planned a get-a-way. We went on a 7 day cruise to MEXICO. Oh, it was fun! We had a blast and for the first time in I don't know how long. . . we were able to relax and let loose! Can anyone say KARAOKE, zip lines, and snorkeling. Just a few of the highlights!
By the way Brianne. . . what happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico!