Found this on another heart moms blog. . . As we prepare for another procedure tomorrow I have had many emotions running through my mind. This summarizes them all!
The Day I Became a Heart Mother
One day my world came crashing down,
I’ll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick.
I thought, “am I to blame”?
I don’t think I can handle this.
I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking.
I have loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child.
I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance.
No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I’ll even use that feeding tube.
My child must survive!
Will he need a lot of therapy?
Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God, help me do this.
I will accept our fate.
When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound.
Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another Angel earns his wings,
I run to my child’s bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while.
I bend down and kiss his head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.
I look to You wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can’t know your ways….no matter how I try.
And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he’s here,
but my heart begs, “PLEASE let him stay”!
From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, “will he be alright?”, to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life’s harsh demands.
For all who see that faded line.
I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much.
I would face ANY trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (It’s the door to his beautiful heart).
God must have known how much I’d love him (Just as He loved him from the start).
A heart mom is always a heart mom.
Now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven,
Our hearts share in all of your tears.
Every day I will try and remember,
I was chosen for him (and no other).
I will always embrace that beautiful day…….
When I became a “Heart Mother”.
- Author Unknown
7 comments:
This is a lovely poem, and so true. I know all too well the feelings of savouring each and every day, while hoping and praying that my little heart boy can stay (for a loooooong time!). We'll be thinking of you all and praying for Ethan as he has his cath tomorrow. Hoping the results are great and that they give you some clarification about when he'll need stage two. Sending love from across the pond - from one HLHS mum to another. XXX
PRAYING for Ethan tomorrow... caths are no fun. Hopefully everything looks great for the go ahead on the Glenn. After the Glenn, in most cases, they do SO much better!! Even with Owen approaching transplant, they say that having the Glenn buys him SO much extra time.
Here's to hoping that Ethan becomes trach free soon, can learn to eat, and has a successful Glenn. Wouldn't that be fantastic??!!
Prayers.
Andrea
I love that poem too. It is beautiful. Good luck with everything tomorrow. Getting through the Glenn will be such a huge milestone. I'll be praying that everything goes well with his cath tomorrow.
I am not a heart mom, but I can relate to a lot of those feelings with my baby, too. You are an amazing mom and such a great strenth. Thank you for sharing those thoughts! Good luck with Ethan tomorrow! I hope all goes well. We'll keep him in our prayers today.
Oh Heidi you made me bawl! Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the Cath tommorrow we'll be praying for you!
We really are in a one of a kind club.
That is a really sweet poem, and SO TRUE!! I will be praying for Ethan and your whole family today!!
Everytime I read this poem, I still cant believe that I am able to relate to it, and it has been 14 months since Lily was born, plus 4 more ontop of that since my world was turned upside down with the news of Lilys heart. There are days where I still think that it is all a dream but then the reality hits that this is our life and I am proud to say I have such a fighter on my hands. Life never gets normal with a heart baby at home, but it will adjust to a new type of normal.
I am praying that his cath went fine, seeing it is now 1pm on Wed, he is hopefully back from the cath lab and recovering nicely. I hope all looks as well as it can and that you get a while more at home before his next surgery.
I would still love to meet you in person, I would have dropped by the last time you were in the hospital, but Lily got sick, and I didnt not want to bring any germs up to Ethan. Tell Ethan a fellow heart pal has added him to her night time prayers.
Sending you our Hugs, Love and Blessings.
The McLaughlins
Jenna and Lilyana
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