Friday, September 25, 2009

Headstone & Tears

I paid the deposit and ordered Ethan's headstone today. I was dreading it but it was actually nice and uplifting. After going back and forth we decided simple and sweet. Ethan's above picture will be in the center. I have been very emotional for the last several days missing my little man. We went up to the hospital unit Monday and went to the D-backs game on Wednesday for the check presentation to Ethan's doctors from the fundraiser "Picnic at the Park". They D-backs foundation gave the Heart Center $25,000. That was $5,000 more than they were expecting. . . NICE! I did really well (no tears) for both events, but ever since I have been a wreck. I just miss him. It is nice to be with people who knew him well too (the staff).

The whole way to the hospital Cannon kept asking if we could go see Ethan's room where he died? Even though I told him, he was still perplexed that someone else was in Ethan's room. We took up our blue E sugar cookies (totally forgot to take a pic). After we set them down at the nurses station I started visiting with the nurses and my kiddos kept sneaking back over and eating them. Then, when we were at the baseball game I had a nice talk with Ethan's heart surgeon, Dr. Cleveland. We talked about a lot of stuff, but the bottom line is they wished they would have put him on the transplant list at birth. That would have been his only chance. His left ventricle muscle was large at birth (abnormal) but they thought it would eventually slow down in growth. It didn't. It just grew BIGGER and BADDER everyday! I hate that left ventricle! Oh well. We will still be doing an official sit down with the doctors probably at the end of October. They want to comb through his charts even more and study everything in detail before we meet. And let me tell you. . . it is a FAT chart!


Sandi said...

Heidi...that headstone is just PERFECT! It is so beautiful and that is my favorite picture of him. I LOVE his eyes in it. Hope we can get together soon! Love you guys!


Melodie said...

Nice chatting with you yesterday. I'm sorry these past few days have been so rough. Still thinking of and praying for your family.


Pete, Alison and Charlie said...

Hi Heidi,
You've been in my thoughts so much lately.
Ethan's headstone will be perfect, and the photograph of him is just gorgeous.
I remember when we went to pick out a headstone for our first son, Will - it felt so wrong at first, but like you say, it wasn't actually so bad in the end. It felt nice to be able to DO something tangible for him! We had a simple square one for him too - we had a little engraved picture of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh on it!
Glad it went ok at the hospital - it must have been hard to speak with the doctors - hoping the 'big' meeting with them goes well, and isn't too difficult for you. It goes without saying we'll be thinking of you.
Keep hanging in there - with love and prayers from across the pond, Alison xxx

The Ridgway Family said...

I think of you and your family all the time. I know how difficult this time can be and the ache you will feel in your heart from time to time for your Ethan. Know that I pray for you all the time and think of you. I know and understand what you are feeling and I know how hard it is. Your headstone will be fabulous. Making it perfect is so hard, but what a difference it makes when it's complete.

Love, Keisa

The Simmons Family said...

I love the headstone picture and the words are perfect. I'm sure that was a difficult to decision to make. We too don't like that darn left ventricle. Owen's was HUGE at birth but it deflated like a balloon and is now shrivled up like a raisin. We think of Ethan often. Prayers and HUGS.


Abby Olsen said...

Hi Heidi
I would like to say Thank you.When Will was Ethans neighbor for those precious 6 weeks,you were their for me when I was scared and alone and Will was intabated for the 2nd time..You were so supported and able to help in anyway .and you had little Ethan.But you were their for a friend in time of need and I am here for you now.Thank You Heidi and precious little Ethan .

Wendy said...

I love the headstone, it is perfect. I am sure it has been difficult selecting such a special remembrance. Hugs. Hope to see you soon.

Ryan and Shannan Hoffman said...

I think the headstone is great. It is so fitting to sweet little Ethan. I can't imagine what a difficult task that must be to choose that.

Would you please do me a favor and email me your address? I am putting together my Christmas card list (I know, really prematurely).

Heidi Ann said...

I hate that when I go to check your blog I can't find him in the E section of my list. Then I remember he's in the A section. I HATE IT! I'm glad Greg got his square picture, so masculine. :) Can't wait to see it in person.

I think of you SO often and am here ANY TIME you need me!