Somedays I am better at being more patient and loving than others. But those are my goals. To enjoy my children and friends more. Enjoy life as a whole. Not just get through each day. I have had some fun times with my kids lately, but first I will share my thoughts on my Ethan. It is one month ago (tomorrow) that he passed away. A month without holding his hand and rubbing his forehead. . . and a month since he has been freed from struggles that came from that stinking heart of his!
I have found the NEED to stay busy. I have started going to the gym. Although my physical body needs some serious help, it is more for the mental. It gets me out of the house, a new environment. I have a million projects I need to get done, but when I am home all day my mind gets to me more. I get sad. So out I go. The only problem is everytime I go out I seem to spend money. Anyone else have that problem?!*#
Lately I have been looking at Ethan's picutres and remembering all the good times. I miss him SOOOOOOO much that my heart physically aches. But I have to stop and briefly remind myself of the not so good times, and the pain he was enduring, and the long road he had ahead. . . then I remember he is so much better off now. He is where he needs to be and the sorrow is mine simply for missing him. He is not experiencing that sorrrow. He is full of joy and going about new experiences. I know he is a mature spirit on the other side. . . I bet he is so handsome all grown up!
Tomorrow I have to go to St. Joseph's hospital. I am so nervous. I don't want to be an emotional wreck! The Eller Heart Center is doing a photo shoot for a congenital heart kiddos calendar! It will be a 2010 calendar to sale to raise money for the heart center. On the month of December there will be a siblings of heart angels photo. My kids and a few other families will be holding a picture of their baby that lost the CHD battle. I think I am going to take my kids up to the heart unit first. I have a friend and her baby (Eva) plus all the staff that I would like to say hello to. My kids and I have been making blue frosted "E" sugar cookies today to take up!
Other than that it has been a week full of kids activities. Soccer, tumbling, piano, soccer, and more soccer! Gage & his friend got recruited up to the competitive league for soccer. However Greg is the coach of his old team, and without the two kids the team is short players. So guess who gets to play on two soccer teams! And yes, Greg is still the coach of one. Not to mention Cannon. He is loving getting to play a sport. Lexi is still my sweet, smart, and talented only girlie!
I have found the NEED to stay busy. I have started going to the gym. Although my physical body needs some serious help, it is more for the mental. It gets me out of the house, a new environment. I have a million projects I need to get done, but when I am home all day my mind gets to me more. I get sad. So out I go. The only problem is everytime I go out I seem to spend money. Anyone else have that problem?!*#
Lately I have been looking at Ethan's picutres and remembering all the good times. I miss him SOOOOOOO much that my heart physically aches. But I have to stop and briefly remind myself of the not so good times, and the pain he was enduring, and the long road he had ahead. . . then I remember he is so much better off now. He is where he needs to be and the sorrow is mine simply for missing him. He is not experiencing that sorrrow. He is full of joy and going about new experiences. I know he is a mature spirit on the other side. . . I bet he is so handsome all grown up!
Tomorrow I have to go to St. Joseph's hospital. I am so nervous. I don't want to be an emotional wreck! The Eller Heart Center is doing a photo shoot for a congenital heart kiddos calendar! It will be a 2010 calendar to sale to raise money for the heart center. On the month of December there will be a siblings of heart angels photo. My kids and a few other families will be holding a picture of their baby that lost the CHD battle. I think I am going to take my kids up to the heart unit first. I have a friend and her baby (Eva) plus all the staff that I would like to say hello to. My kids and I have been making blue frosted "E" sugar cookies today to take up!
Other than that it has been a week full of kids activities. Soccer, tumbling, piano, soccer, and more soccer! Gage & his friend got recruited up to the competitive league for soccer. However Greg is the coach of his old team, and without the two kids the team is short players. So guess who gets to play on two soccer teams! And yes, Greg is still the coach of one. Not to mention Cannon. He is loving getting to play a sport. Lexi is still my sweet, smart, and talented only girlie!
7 comments:
I can't imagine the heartache of not having him in your arms. He is better off, but it doesn't take the pain away. Can't wait to see the calendar.
I'm so glad you are keeping busy but I am sure it is so hard. I can't even imagine. That is so awesome that your kids will be in the calendar. I think of Ethan and you guys all time time. I continue to keep you in my prayers. Love you.
I have a little gift for you and would love to keep you buys one day and treat you to lunch. I think and pray for you and your family often! I hope your hospital visit tomorrow is a sweet and tender one.
I think about you everyday. Good luck today at the hospital. I hope it doesn't bring back too many 'bad' memories. Stay strong. Our photo shoot is in the AM, so I'll miss u guys. :(
Staying busy is the way I deal with everything and YES, I spent entirely too much money everyday that I just need to get out! :)
We've been thinking of you guys alot. I'm glad to hear that you are doing well. I'm sure each day is a struggle and tears are shed. I can't believe it's already been a month.
Good luck at theh hospital this morning, I'm sure it won't be easy going back.
Hugs.
Hi Heidi
I think about Ethan and your family everday.
I think of you often! Just want you to know.
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